Sometimes, we just get so fucking sick of the endless, pointless “swipe, date, mate” cycle and decide it’s time for a change. But how the hell do we make that happen?
So, we take off for a few days alone. Just to get away, forget about our shitty job, the daily stress, and the dumbass customers or colleagues. We’re on a dating vacation, ready to forge a new plan.
We find ourselves sitting on a cozy bench, staring out at Lake Como. A cute little kitten snuggles up to us, purring contentedly, rolling over so we can pet its belly.
As we sit there, chilled out and listening to the rustling leaves, a thought creeps into our heads: something’s missing.
That thought turns into an uncomfortable feeling that we try to suppress because it’s fucking up this perfect moment.
We take a deep breath, just like our yoga teacher taught us: In… out…
So, why the fuck isn’t it working? Suddenly, that deep breath that’s supposed to relax us sounds like a goddamn sigh.
We feel lonely and yearn for someone. We’re alone. No, lonely. No amount of Lake Como or palm trees in the Bahamas can take away this longing for another person. We want to fall in love again, dammit!
Where the fuck is the successful, good-looking charmer that Disney promised us? And where the hell is the hot blonde who reads our every kinky wish from our eyes, like we see in pornos?
Did the charmer possibly snatch up the blonde, leaving us to spend the rest of our lives alone and unsatisfied?
Even if this feeling doesn’t haunt our brain and heart as a malicious ghost, we have to watch out for this thought, this feeling of dissatisfaction.
We humans have a natural need for company, partnership, and love. The slut Sandy, who fucks everyone she meets, and her counterpart, the player Giorgio, both secretly crave connection behind all the makeup and macho bravado. They just use the tools they know to achieve it: sex.
Their emotional range doesn’t go any deeper. Going deeper than the average 16cm inside someone to build an emotional connection just isn’t in the cards for them. And honestly, we can’t blame them. How the fuck should they know better?
Sandy’s dad never cared about her, opting to work late and probably bang his secretary. Giorgio’s mom constantly criticized him or, even worse, constantly criticized his dad, his male role model. Both never learned that they deserve love without having to assume a specific role.
Over the years, they’ve unconsciously adopted these roles because they’ve realized they can get some affection that way.
They’re happy to engage in the “sex for love” exchange and indulge in the illusion of intimacy for an average of eight minutes.
Now, let’s not demonize casual sex here, because it can have a positive effect on self-confidence when you gain valuable experiences. You get a chance to learn what you like or hate without having to deal with it for long because you (hopefully) never see the creep again. Check it off, block, and move on. But, like everything in life, when taken to the extreme, it can have negative consequences. However, these dark ends often hide valuable lessons.
Even if we don’t seek intimacy through sex, we find the craziest ways to secure others’ attention: tactics, scams, jealousy games, drama, complexity, and arguments all bring us closer in a twisted way.
So, let’s try to be aware of what we really want before our next hookup:
- True intimacy with someone and maybe even sharing our life with them (scary as fuck)?
- Simple satisfaction of our genitals (way less complicated)?
Both are legit, but don’t ever fucking confuse the two, because even if it seems to work at the beginning (because everyone’s cool with this “casual fling”), it’ll blow up in our faces when one person secretly wants more from the start.
So, before we swipe right next time, let’s be crystal clear about whether we actually need a Sandy or a Giorgio in our lives right now, or if we’d rather sit with a Sandra or a George on a bench at Lake Como and breathe deeply together. In… out…
Remember, it’s up to us to break the pointless cycle and find the meaningful connection we’re longing for. So, take a deep breath, and let’s get our shit together.